Sythyry

My friends and associates were not particularly helpful afterwards. Which I should have expected, since they were not particularly helpful beforwards either.

Phaniet

Phaniet:“How did the breakup go?”

Me:“Were you expecting a breakup?”

Phaniet:“After hearing you talk about who it is moral and who it is not moral for you to sleep with for decades, yes. After hearing the stories about your first boyfriend, who refused to actually admit that he was traff, and how much you hated that, yes. After discovering that your playmate was engaged, and to a gentleman who has already stuck a sword all the way through you, yes.”

Me:“You do have a peculiar view of reality, don’t you? Anyhow, the breakup went about as badly as possible, if one were expecting a breakup. “

Phaniet:“I’m sorry to hear that it went badly. What happened?”

Me:“After I told him I was breaking up with him, we spent the next two and a half hours enjoying each others’ bodies.”

Phaniet:“Oh, Sythyry!”

Me:“It’s OK. I found a way to make it fit inside the rules of his engagement.”

Phaniet:“Do tell.”

Me:“Well, he likes something specific that Rehit refuses to do, so he’s allowed to hire professionals to provide services not available at home.”

Phaniet: [tugging her ears] “So … Sythyry? Are you seriously telling me that you’re demanding that he pay you?”

Me:“… yes …”

Phaniet:“Well, may I tell you why that’s a bad idea because, if people hear about it, you’re not going to live it down for a thousand years?”

Me:“No.”

Phaniet:“May I tell you why that’s a bad idea because Rehit won’t believe it for a moment?”

Me:“No.”

Phaniet:“May I tell you why that’s a bad idea because you don’t believe it, either?”

Me:“No.”

Phaniet:“May I tell you why that’s a bad idea because you’re surely violating Eigrach guild law?”

Me:“… I … hadn’t thought of that one.”

Phaniet:“If you seriously want to take a new profession, even as a sort of part-time thing, you’d better join the relevant guild. I’m pretty sure there is a prostitute’s guild. How are you going to manage that?”

Me:“I am going to ask my assistant to investigate the relevant laws and customs. After we’re done here, you will go find out.”

Phaniet:“Nope. I am your wizard’s assistant. You need to ask your prostitute’s assistant about that.”

She had a bit of a point. Actually she had lots of points.

Me:“Back to work, wizard’s assistant.”

Grinwipey

So, later on, I asked my couturier’s assistant. Which is pretty close to a whore’s assistant, wouldn’t you say?

Me:“Grinwipey, next time you go into Eigrach, could you find out for me what the prostitutes’ guild is like? Rates, admission policies, and such?”

Grinwipey:“They don’t do drammos like you, boss. Strictly same-species, at the houses at least.”

Me:“I’m not trying to hire one. I’m just picking up another career. Quietly. I don’t want people to hear about this one.”

Grinwipey:“You’ve got menkers in your head, boss.”

Me:“It’s part of a plot.”

Grinwipey:“What kind of a gribbulating plot needs for you to be a ceiling? Are you simply planning to join the guild, or are you gonna spend your nights in some rukky spatch-shack dancing with anyone who stops by with a terch and a third?” (I guess: “ceiling and floor” = “whore”.)

Me:“High-priced call girl with exclusive clientele.”

Grinwipey:“You’ve got menkers in your head, boss. Big blue-green menkers with flappy, flappy wingies.”

Me:“… never mind. Don’t ask.”

Grinwipey:“Boss, you should be the one renting those high-priced call girls. You’ve got the the hexagons for it. Maybe I can track one down who rousts the bean of another species.”

Me:“Fair enough. See what you can do.”

Grinwipey:“Easier up in Vheshrame, y’know, boss. Back home there’s lurvles what works for the aristocrats and does whatever squee’s their breeze. Down here the prostitutes got their honor, they do, and they don’t moffer the breakfast even if it’s lunchtime. Can’t you keep it tucked under for another year or two, since you’ve waited so long anyhow?”

Me:“Just finish the embroidery, Grinwipey.”

After such resounding successes, I was not about to discuss the matter any further with anyone but (perhaps) Kantele. I bravely put off that conversation for a few more days.

Vae

After dinner, Vae flew up to me in the form of a winged basket with huge goggle eyes.

Vae:“The we are going to the Zonsmi Oak! And are you coming with us?”

Me:“That’s the tree whose wandering caused the latest round of diplomatic unpleasantness between Eigrach and Heleshario, right? And lead to my best offer of employment in several weeks … or maybe second-best, I’m not quite sure.”

Vae:“The oak tree is that one! Not quite an oak tree is it, but a good tourist place. Come with us! The thing that should be seen with your own eyes it is!”

Me:“I haven’t seen it with anyone else’s eyes, even. I will come … when are you going?”

Vae:“The Rehit and Thenel are coming here two hours before noon tomorrow, and then from here we depart to the Zonsmi Oak. The noontime eruptions are the spectacular eruptions!”

Me:“Wait, Rehit and Thenel are coming?” (The ensuing eruptions might not come from the oak.)

Vae:“The they are. The Jyondre and Yerenthax invited them first, at the celebration the other day.”

Me:“… oh, my …”

Vae:“Not so likely is Rehit to stab you again! More likely he will stab me first. I will be sure not to hurt him very badly.”

Me:“Who’s coming, all in all?”

Vae:“Not sure am I. The inviting-you is what Jyondre asked of me, and Phaniet too. The invitation from Yerenthax is going to Windigar and to Grinwipey. And will anyone else from Eigrach come? And will anyone else from Strayway get their inviting? Not so well do I know these things!”

Me:“This is a very strange ship, if the passengers are asking the nendrai to carry messages for them.”

Phaniet:“Almost as strange as if the wizard were charging two lozens a toss in a back alley.”

Vae:“And what?”

Me:“Never mind. I’ll come on the picnic.”

Vae’s lid popped open, and miniature blue and green fireworks spouted forth enthusiastically. Today I think she’s the sane and sensible one, though.