Archive for the ‘Sythyry's Vacation’ Category

Down the Nendrai Hole [19 Thory 4385]

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

(My role in this chapter is: I was back on Strayway, running around frantically, trying to contact Vae, find the children, keep Arfaen from exploding in a burst of upset mother energy that would rip the tails from everyone in Srineia, etc. I was not notably successful.)

(Which is to say, we had no idea of any of this at the time. We heard reports from those who survived. I trust it is not too much of a spoiler to hear that not everyone involved died.)

Even Vae can’t teleport all that far at once, though her concept of “all that far” is much farther than mine. So, she does what any sensible person would do. Well, what any insanely powerful and powerfully insane person would do. She teleports into empty air far from anywhere in particular in the general direction of her intended destination, falls a few hundred yards, and teleports again, closer.

I don’t particularly mind, when I’m travelling with her. I have wings, after all, and suddenly finding myself in the middle of the sky is no great fear after I have spread them.

Cani and Rassimel children do not have wings.

Quendry:“Oh, no! We’re falling! We’re up in the sky and falling and falling!”

Ochirion was not nearly so eloquent. He grabbed Vae’s foreleg and started punching and biting her.

Vae is a monster. Which is to say, she cannot trust that the mere constraints of civilization and basic morality — or, more practically, city walls — will keep either primes or other monsters from attacking her at any given time. So, naturally, she wears defensive spells. Layers and layers of defensive spells, some of them decades old. Specific ones and general ones; strong ones and weak ones; simple ones and elaborate ones; purely defensive ones and ones that retaliate. They buzz around her in no particular order or structure. There is no telling which one will first attempt to protect her against any particular attack.

This time, it was specific, weak, simple, and retaliatory. Ochirion’s muzzle became a crude blunt cone of wood, looking more like a beak than a proper muzzle.

Ochirion flailed around frantically. The spell must have hurt him greatly, but with his mouth turned to a lump of wood, he couldn’t talk.

Windigar howled as he fell, “Turn him back! Turn him back, Vae!”

Vae crossed her arms and hissed at Windigar. “Not until he apologizes! Not at all should he be attacking me and striking at me!” Vae is sometimes somewhat fussy about these matters. I don’t think it’s a designed compulsion, the way her opinions of helping primes and getting things from us are. I think she just doesn’t like to be attacked, and can’t distinguish perfectly between microscopic (to her) assaults like a child biting her and a pirate sorcerer blasting away with his best death spells.

Falling out of the sky, thirteen miles over the Dullogmarn, is perhaps not the best place to give a lesson in etiquette to a pack of young boys whom one has just (arguably) kidnapped. A more experienced parent would, perhaps, have realized that a certain amount of time and effort must be expended in calming the children down, or at least bringing them to a place where such calmness was possible, before the lesson would have much chance of success.

Perhaps, after her child hatches, Vae will be able to get such experience. Or perhaps not: I don’t know if Oixe will let Vae participate much in the childrearing. For that matter, I don’t know if nendrai hatchlings find falling out of the sky to be particularly terrifying.

In any case, such experience is decades and decades in Vae’s future. We have, on the whole, kept Vae from taking an active and extensive part in child-care on Strayway, for reasons which, based on the events of the morning were wholly justified and entirely correct.

We have also tried to get Vae to wear those blasted earmuffs all the time, but sometimes she forgets.

Windigar attempted to educate Vae on this point, with words along the lines of, “He is but a child; he is unfamiliar with the ways of the great beasts, and with the ways of proper etiquette. You must grant him a certain amount of leeway in your reprimands.” Windigar, as a sky pilot, is less unused to falling out of the sky than most people.

Vae sounded a bit sulky. “Not a bit of cause has he for going biting at me. The favor am I doing to him! The buying of the wedding present for him is the quest I am coming along on!”

Windigar pointed out, “While this is true, and, indeed, quite kind of you from certain points of view, it is also to be noted that all three children are quite petrified and howling from fear at suddenly finding themselves plummeting towards what, if I am not mistaken, is the Dullogmarn. Perhaps you could bring us to some still and safe place, where, I am certain, the children will be as polite as you could possibly desire — as polite as they are nearly all the time!”

Vae, with less good grace that she sometimes exhibits, transformed something or other into a vast kite sort of thing. The primes and monster were perched on a small and tippy wooden platform. A fringe of long green glowing tentacles lurked around the edge of the platform. The platform was suspended in the sky — not by a levitation spell, such as anyone reasonable would use — but by a vast kite that appeared to be the skin of a flayed and expanded Rassimel, with Ochirion’s own coloration. Its head caught the wind with an expression of comical anguish. Its tail flopped uselessly behind.

“The apology let him make now, and not a bit more shall I remember the incident, nor shall aught keep us from our quest!” proclaimed Vae.

Ochirion said nothing.

Quendry curled up in a ball on the platform. A gust of wind rocked the kite, and he nearly fell off. Two glowing green tentacles grabbed him before he could fall further. He was not greatly comforted by this provision for his safety.

“Ochirion! Not so greatly angry am I at you, for a monster lives for little but to be the biting-ball of primes and I cannot expect much better even from my closest friends. The apology I do wish from you, though, for I do love you and I do feel the disrespect you have presented to me as a sting in my heart.”

Ochirion said nothing.

Windigar said, “He can’t talk. You’ve turned his mouth into a lump of wood.”

“Not I was it who thus transformed him, but merely one of my vast congeries of protective spells!” protested Vae.

Windigar nodded. “An important distinction, surely, and one which eluded me at first. Nonetheless, he cannot speak, so he cannot apologize.”

Vae scowled. “The illusion spell, the mind spell — these things he could do. The writing — this thing, too, he could do! Not every word that is meant needs to be spoken!”

“His magic is neither strong nor reliable. I imagine he started with Healoc Corpador, being Rassimel. I doubt that he has any but the least power at either Illusador or Mentador; we do not generally teach these to such young boys,” noted Windigar.

“Oh, very well,” snapped Vae. She swatted Ochirion’s beak with her tail, moving the spell to one of the tentacles, giving it a vicious wooden tip.

Ochirion apologized profusely, if incoherently.

Three Children and It [19 Thory 4385]

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

I will start from the end this time.

  • Lesson 1: Never, ever keep a nendrai around the house.
  • Lesson 2: If, for some reason, you are obliged to violate Lesson 1, keep the nendrai out of reach of children and other small fragile beings (viz. everyone).
  • Lesson 3: If, for some reason, you cannot manage lesson 2 either, educate your children very well in how to behave around the nendrai.
  • Codicil to Lesson 3: Children, even very obedient ones, can be very literal about how you educate them. Beware phrasing like “Never ask Vae to give you anything.”
  • Lesson 4: Have a responsible adult around at all times.
  • Lesson 5: Be aware that Lesson 4 does not actually help.
  • Lesson 6: You really should have stuck with Lesson 1.

Windigar has few actual duties at the moment, since Strayway is not going anywhere. This means that he can give himself useful or amusing alternate duties. This morning, he picked the alternate duty of playing Pong the Wasserflorn (an easy game, suitable for several young players) with the children: Ochirion, Feralan, and Quendry. This is Useful and sometimes even Self-Sacrificing Duty, since relatively few adults play Pong the Wasserflorn voluntarily amongst themselves. This was at one end of the Great Dining Hall.

The topic turned to the upcoming wedding.

Quendry:“Who else is marrying Lithia? Windigar, are you marrying Lithia?”

Windigar:“No, she’s not really my type.” (By which he means that he is cisaffectionate and Lithia is not always the same species, or, perhaps, he is significantly her elder, or, perhaps, he is too sensible to get involved with the boss’s quasi-daughter.)

Quendry:“But only one wife? What if she needs a husband or a mate or a sister-sister?”

Windigar:“Lithia is getting married as an Orren. You’re thinking of a Cani marriage, which has all those things. Orren don’t.”

Quendry:“Oh! I know! That is easier!”

Windigar:“Why is it easier?”

Ochirion:“Because we only have to get two people presents, dummy!”

Windigar:“That is true! Have you thought about what present to give her?”

Ochirion:“Maybe a fish?” He ponged the wasserflorn, grinned, and passed the dice to Feralan.

Windigar:“A live fish?”

Ochirion:“A fried fish! Every Orren likes a fried fish!”

Windigar:“No, a wedding present shouldn’t be food, especially not food that you need to eat right then.”

Feralan:“Maybe a pair of copper drinking chalices?” He rolled the dice, and got only a squince.

Windigar:“Pick something you can afford!”

Quendry:“Could we afford a watch? Lithia would like a watch! She could know when she is about to get all sore every hour!”

Windigar:“I’m not sure she wants to know that much…”

Feralan:“That’s a great idea! I bet we could afford a watch!”

Ochirion:“Windigar, will you help us afford on a watch?”

Windigar:“Let me talk to your parents about that. A nice watch does make a good present, and I think a few families could manage a pair of them, if we pool our money together.” He rolled the dice, and got within one move of ponging the wasserflorn himself.

Quendry:“Yay! I want to get Lithia the bestest watch on the whole World Tree!”

Windigar:“Well, a reasonably nice watch, anyways.”

Ochirion:“No! The bestmost watch is the watch for Lithia!”

Windigar:“You can help pick it out, Ochirion.”

At which point, Feralan noticed that Vae was sitting some ways down the hall from them, and listening in, as she often does. He thought, “I’m not supposed to ask Vae to give me anything. But I’m not asking for me, I’m asking for Lithia.”

Feralan:“Vae? Would you like to help us give the best watch in the World Tree for Lithia?”

Windigar:“Fera…”

Vae:“The yes! The love I have for Lithia is dear, and the good wishes for her Orren marriage I have are vast!”

Windigar:“Vae, could you just put some money into the pool, and we’ll all pay for the watch together?”

Vae:“Not so little will I do for Lithia and Something-Eyes!”

And she scooped up the three boys, Windigar, and herself in a wild whirl of Locador magic, and they were all gone from Strayway, and from all of Srineia.

The Locador blast woke me up, and I came in a hurry to interrogate the witnesses, and try to reassure Zascalle, Thiane, Arfaen, and Mellilot that their children would be safe. I didn’t do a very good job. I wasn’t even able to persuade myself that they would be safe. I myself have been killed vacationing with Vae.

Asking For Her Hand [18 Thory 4385; Eigrach, Srineia]

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

At length, Treacle-Eyes and I were hiding in a smallish parlor, situated a quarter-mile away from anyplace of note. She sprawled in a blue leather armchair. I perched on the back of a wickery thing. We stared at each other.

Treacle-Eyes:“What’s Lithia to you?”

Me:“She’s my not-quite-adopted daughter, I should say. I have been her guardian in practice for most of her life. Her actual parents were friends of mine — by some definition — but proved unable to take care of her very well. So I have been doing.”

Treacle-Eyes:“That’s ridiculous… that’s impossible!”

Me:“Most of my life is ridiculous and impossible. Why is Lithia more so than anything else?”

Treacle-Eyes:“She’s got cramps!”

Me:“She does, indeed, have cramps.” They are a side effect of her being a shifter hybrid.

Treacle-Eyes:“You are a wizard and enchanter and healer, with a pet nendrai.”

Me:“The other way around, actually, but close enough. And so…?”

Treacle-Eyes:“How come she still has cramps?”

Me:“Because they can’t be cured.”

Treacle-Eyes:“I find that hard to believe. Speaking as a temple brat, used to hearing wizards and priests talk about what they can and can’t do.”

Me:“Believe whatever you wish, but I have exhausted my craft on the problem, and she still has cramps.”

Treacle-Eyes:“I suppose you don’t think it’s a serious problem. Do you know how she suffers, though? Have you watched her, listened to her, held her when the cramps come?”

Me:“Actually, I have been doing that since the week she was born.” And having the most terrible fight with her mother that ever was, while I was holding her that week, in fact.

Treacle-Eyes:“And there’s nothing you can do?”

Me:“There’s nothing more I can do.” Which is not exactly true. I could swear seven years service to Kvarse. Except that leaves Vae unmanaged for seven years, which would be a Bad Thing indeed. I could also kill Lithia, on the grounds that she’ll surely have better luck in her next life. I may yet do that, if she asks me to, when her condition grows considerably worse.

Treacle-Eyes:“I suppose you think you’ve done enough for her?”

Me:“I continue to take care of her as well as I can manage to. Why does it somehow become the stowaway’s job to interrogate me about my treatment of Lithia?”

Treacle-Eyes:“She’s asked me to marry her.”

Me:“Well, congratulations!”

Really. Congratulations, Lithia, on the off chance you ever get to read this. I rather wish you had done better for yourself than a stowaway and fugitive, especially one who (a) doesn’t know about Lithia’s dark little secret, and (b) thus thinks Lithia is Orren, and (c) is traff, and (d) is sure to abandon Lithia more quickly than even the usual Orren marriage. A pity that (a-b) and (c-d) would sort of cancel each other out — if Lithia were willing to explain them to Treacle-Eyes. Of course, if Lithia explained her secret to Treacle-Eyes, Treacle-Eyes would likely find it as disgusting as it really is, and leave her even faster. But that is Lithia’s choice, not mine; she has chosen to hide behind illusions and stories of cramps, and I will not be the one to tell Treacle-Eyes.

One wonders, though, how well a shipful of people is going to keep Lithia’s secret from Treacle-Eyes.

One wonders how well Lithia is going to keep Lithia’s secret from Treacle-Eyes.

Treacle-Eyes:“Congratulations?”

Me:“Yes, actually. That’s what one traditionally says when ones not-quite-adopted daughter gets engaged. … Wait, you did say yes, didn’t you?”

Treacle-Eyes:“It’s more complicated than that. You’re not going to object to the marriage?”

Me:“Why would I do that? Well, aside from the fact that you’re a stowaway without any particularly good prospects, and also as good as engaged to a Cani boy too. You are still with Dorze, are you not? How does Dorze feel about this situation?”

Treacle-Eyes:“I am still with Dorze, now and always. And Lithia as well.”

Me:“Well, Orren commonly marry in twos or threes or fours, and Cani of course marry in packs of a dozen or so. However — speaking as one who has observed and pondered upon the subject of transaffection for several times as long as you have been alive — I know this for a fact: that a prime is either transaffectionate or cisaffectionate. Never both. In the end, you will either love Dorze and other Cani — and probably a Khtsoyis and a Gormoror in there for completeness — or else you will despise your hours and your escapades with Dorze, and love only Orren.”

Which is undeniably true: I had her there.

Or maybe it’s not undeniably true, since she denied it straightaway. It’s still true, I say.

[World note: Sythyry's opinion of the strictness of the transaffection / cisaffection division is held by a (noisy) minority of people in Vheshrame, and a (smaller and quieter) minority of people elsewhere in the World Tree. Most primes -- even most primes who care about the topic -- would not agree with zir. -bb]

Treacle-Eyes:“Well, I may be a novice at this, but that’s not what I’ve seen. The only person I know who actually likes all seven other species is Inconnu. And he pretends not to like Orren, but if he doesn’t have a secret crush on me, I shouldn’t be calling myself anything-Eyes.”

Me:“You have not been paying attention. Kantele has, in fact, collected the full set.” I leave aside certain ancient hints that Kantele has courted other Rassimel. The matter was settled in favor of transaffection decades ago, when she all-but-married Hithiat.

Treacle-Eyes:“Kantele doesn’t like me very much. She hasn’t discussed her personal life with me.”

Me:“Kantele is quite protective of me and of my crew. I find this an admirable quality, and seek to emulate it myself. In particular — despite your allegations of negligence! — I am quite protective of Lithia.

Treacle-Eyes:“She is an adult in law and custom, and has been since her thirtieth birthday. Even if you had been her adoptive mother, you couldn’t forbid her to marry me now. Even if she is defying you and choosing a Member Of The Same Species.”

Me:“Rather the opposite. I’m glad to see her marry, even if she is marrying an Orren stowaway who hasn’t figured out her sexuality yet. I want a promise from you, and I want it quite badly. Indeed, you will have worse than Nangbang and La Hish on your tail if you break it.”

Treacle-Eyes:“Oh, do tell.”

Me:“Promise that you won’t leave Lithia for, let us say, twelve years.” I don’t expect Lithia to live past ten years, and the last three of those will be rather ugly, so twelve years gives some margin for error and/or for my medicine being more effective than is theoretically possible. “If she leaves you, I shan’t complain; I might even quietly applaud. But if you leave her, I shall be downright vengeful. Oh, and it counts as you leaving her if you make her miserable and drive her off.” I fixed her with my burningest stare, which I hope is quite burning indeed. (I don’t know actually. I simply can’t do it in a mirror, and nobody that I have tried to use it on has either caught fire or noted to me afterwards how very burning my stare was. But I shall give myself the benefit of the doubt, and say that it was indeed a most burning and incendiary of a stare.) “No matter what good or ill fortune befalls you.” In particular, the most ill fortune of a slow and horrible degenerative condition.

Treacle-Eyes:“Oh, is that all? I was expecting you to ask for something hard. Like, say, I’d go swimming with her once a month.”

Me:“Do you promise that?”

Treacle-Eyes:“Don’t be ridiculous! I promise seven times twelve years!” Sometimes — often — I admire Orren on the edge of wild rush. Sometimes — now — their extravagance is tiresome, and their impossible vows trebly tiresome.

I nodded morosely. Twelve years, or seven times twelve years, amounts to the same thing for Lithia.

Me:“Then I will help with the wedding as best I can. Oh, and come by Grinwipey tomorrow. You’ll be needing Strayway livery.”

Treacle-Eyes:“What? … Oh! Thank you!”

Me:“Whatever I feel about your crimes, and whatever troubles I am buying from La Hish and Nangbang for this — and whatever crumbs of truth there are to your nasty little allegations that started this conversation — I am going to take care of Lithia. And, if you’re her family now, that means taking care of you as well.”

We babbled unimportantly for a few minutes, and then Treacle-Eyes left, presumably to tell Lithia and Dorze. I slunk off to a different parlor a half a mile away, and built a big fire in the fireplace, and curled up in it. I was going to have to find a much better mood before I was ready to come out and cheerfully congratulate Lithia.

Asking For Her Hand [18 Thory 4385; Eigrach, Srineia]

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

(I have no good idea what to do about the wickedness of the Eigrachters, and even less about what to about my own wickedness with Thenel to Rehit. My close friends have a variety of opinions of what I should do, most of them wrong. I cannot blame them; I, too, have a variety of opinions of what I should do, most of them wrong. So I am doing what Zi Ri do best: waiting. Waiting, to be specific, for (a) the situation to somehow clarify itself, or (b) everyone else to die of old age. I am not hopeful about (a).)

So, this morning, I crawled out of the fireplace and brushed ashes off my feathers, and found my way somehow to the shallow pond that we keep in one of the spare rooms, and splashed around for a bit. It was an hour after dawn for everyone else, or many hours of hard labor and hard sleeping for me, and so I slithered off to the Grand Dining Hall for breakfast. And kathia. Well, mostly kathia.

The stowaways were sitting at a table with Windigar and Inconnu, eating fried fish with remoulade sauce on toast. My fried fish with remoulade sauce on toast, to be specific, at least in the sense I’m paying for Strayway’s supplies. This is not unusual — most of the crew was eating that for breakfast; Arfaen’s remoulade is excellent.

Inconnu:“Well, zie’s here now. You can ask zir yourself.”

Windigar:“Wait a moment. Sythyry, what time of day is it for you?”

Me:“I haven’t the slightest idea. Why?”

Windigar:“Your mood isn’t always the best before breakfast.”

Me:“And specially after a sleepless night or two over some troublesome personal matters.”

Treacle-Eyes:“It’s not an urgent question.”

Me:“I should be glad to hear it anyhow! I would welcome a distraction!”

Windigar:“Well, start off by distracting yourself with some monumentally excellent fried fish with some monumentally excellent remoulade, and some excellent kathia with a drop of excellent brandy.”

Inconnu:“Arfaen made the fish. Tingula made the kathia.”

Me:“Is this the sort of distraction I should be tipsy to properly appreciate?”

Inconnu:“Not … exactly.”

Which of course made me so curious my feathers were all itchy. I practiced the secret Zi Ri arts of feigning patience, and conversing lightly of other matters. The conversation went approximately like this:

Me:“Ah, this remoulade is excellent, is it not?”

Treacle-Eyes:“It is … there’s something spicy in it, isn’t there?”

Inconnu:“Pureed arhoolie leaves! I helped grind ‘em.”

Me:“Oh, that makes sense … Ah, this remoulade is excellent, is it not?”

Treacle-Eyes:“It is … there’s something spicy in it, isn’t there?”

Windigar:“Inconnu ground up some arhoolie leaves for it.”

Me:“That would do it, wouldn’t it? … Ah, this remoulade is excellent, is it not?”

Treacle-Eyes:“It is … there’s something spicy in it, isn’t there?”

Inconnu:“I added seven gallons of pureed purple pomegranite peppers when Arfaen wasn’t looking.”

Me:“That would do it, wouldn’t it? … Ah, this remoulade is excellent, is it not?”

Treacle-Eyes:“It is … there’s something spicy in it, isn’t there?”

Inconnu:“Oh, that’s just some spice we put in to cover up the deadly slunder venom we put in.”

Me:“That would do it, wouldn’t it? … Ah, this remoulade is excellent, is it not?”

Treacle-Eyes:“It is … there’s something spicy in it, isn’t there?”

Windigar:“You two aren’t paying any attention at all, are you?”

Me:“That would do it, wouldn’t it? … Ah, this remoulade is excellent, is it not?”

Inconnu waited until I had finished my last bite, and then picked me up and tucked me under his arm.

Me:“Ack! I vengefully smear you with remoulade!”

Inconnu:“You and Treacle-Eyes need to go to a parlor and have a little conversation.”

Me:“I hate going to parlors and having little conversations!”

Windigar:“This one will be a good little conversation, I promise.”

He was wrong.

Opinions: Kantele, Grinwipey [17 Thory 4385; Eigrach, Srineia]

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

I tracked Kantele down to a parlor — we have too many parlors, they should all get names sometime, but not today — where …

Me:“Kantele?”

Kantele:“Hello, Sythyry.”

Me:Grinwipey?

Grinwipey:“Yeah, boss, just showin’ your innocent-’n-pure secretary a thing or two about th’laws of luck.”

Me:“I think you’re showing her a bit more than that.”

Grinwipey, as one might expect from a world-class couturier, generally wears several garments: belt, hat, garters, kilt, and so on. Beneath them there are undergarments, which in Grinwipey’s case — as I was unaware of before this moment — are embroidered with skulls and oboes. Kantele, as one might expect, wears the elaborate gowns of a dignified high-class matron. She favors undergarments of bleached white linen: which I did know, but was not expecting to see folded neatly on top of the back of a chair, along with her skirts, while Kantele herself was bare from the waist down.

Kantele:“I am finding the occasion quite educational.”

Grinwipey:“Yeah, boss. Can you believe she’s never played drumbers before?”

Drumbers is a simple (I would call it “dull”) game played with three six-sided dice and a deck of six cards. It is a good game for moderate-sized gambling. It is particularly good for gambling while drinking, or, even better, gambling while one is drinking less than one’s companions. This is because a certain simple form of cheating gives one a moderate advantage, about 8% in a two-person game — enough to win a tidy sum over an evening, but not so much as to be obviously cheaty. There is a modicum of skill involved as well, in keeping track of the cards mostly.

Kantele often supplemented her stipend when she was in school in Daukrhame with careful manipulation of drumbers games. In drumbers, as in fornication, it is sometimes advantageous to have more than one first time.

Me:“Well, it would be a shame to have never played drumbers with a half-naked Khtsoyis, I suppose.”

Grinwipey:“Aww, Kantele didn’t want to play for money on her virgin game. Too much like getting your yanabloonie deflowered by a five-lozen Zi Ri lurvle or something. So we’re playing for forfeits instead.”

Kantele:“Besides, there are only a few people on the ship I haven’t gotten to inspect in the nude yet, or vice versa. And, in my old age, I may be approaching one of your mythical truly transaffectionate people, so it seemed a good approach.”

Grinwipey:“Hey! I’m am not gonna dradger my melts with a Rassy, shipsho? You wanna get boddled by a shoggy, you go hire some kinda noobler-lapping shoggy-for-rent!”

Kantele:“A pity. I was on a roll, too. I was hoping that you’d lose all your clothes, and then we could roll double-or-nothing for a nice cuddle.”

Grinwipey:“Hah, just beginner’s luck!”

Me:“Grinwipey, were you giving her a bit of extra beginner’s luck?”

Grinwipey:“Me, boss? I don’t know anything about giving no munger-banging luck. I’ll be curdled with my smurdles if I do those kinds of tricks. No, no, no-flasky-brasky-no! Breck my turbles if I have any sneakret dice with two sixes on ‘em tucked up my snood! Y’can look yourself!”

(Actually, the way you cheat is by swapping your face-down second card with your third card from your hand, when doing so helps you. No special dice are necessary.)

Me:“Well, you’ll probably lose the snood in a few minutes anyhow, once the game gets going. May I get some advice?”

Kantele and Grinwipey:“Sure, if you really can’t wait ’til we finish the game.”

Me:“I’d like it now. And I’d like the whole thing kept quiet, just like I might keep someone’s attempt to cheat another crewmember quiet.”

Kantele:“Oh, Sythyry! How can you think that Grinwipey might be trying to cheat me? He’s losing!” She has never, ever been that naive.

Me:“I’m sure the two of you can sort it out. Here’s my current problem.” And I explained what Rehit and Thenel had told me. “So, what should I do about Thenel? Phaniet is advising me to break up with him, on the grounds that that affair has gotten entirely too sleazy, and I’m having terrible cramps in my conscience ’cause I am getting the benefit of seeming to behave honorably while I’m doing it.”

Grinwipey:“Now, isn’t that a fine little stink-arrangement for poor dunkyboy Thenel? One day you’re saying all ‘It’s choons with glorzy jelly for us to be up the fine hat all secret-like, iffen you pay me.’ and the next it’s ‘Sorry, you gave me a spacky nice present, so I’m dumping your sorry little musp for it.’ How’s that spelting his sporridge?”

Kantele:“I do not generally agree with Grinwipey’s moral sensibilities. But this time, he might be right. Thenel has been a good friend and good ally to you: he and his fiance have given you some very important information. Breaking up with him because he did you a substantial favor is hardly fair.”

Me:“Um .. I hadn’t thought of that. “

Kantele:“Or think of it as a shipmaster. There is precisely one person in Eigrach who is making some attempt to get Strayway repaired, and that is Thenel. A good part of his motivation is that he loves you.”

Me:“The eep! How do you know that?”

Kantele:“Well, that he enjoys your body and spellcraft, anyhow. I suppose that’s not technically love. Anyhow, if you break up with him, who will advocate for you in the shipwright’s halls?”

Me:“I suppose that’s true.”

Kantele:“Now, if I were you — and if I had somehow managed to get my head wedged in a situation like this, which I doubt I would –”

Grinwipey:“‘cept getting your twoozy tail kicked out of your parents’ house for backways love!”

Kantele:“– I would attempt to induce Thenel to break up with you, in a way that makes it look like his own idea and his own failing.”

Me:“… how? … I’m usually not trying to get people to break up with me. Usually they do it without any help from me at all.”

Grinwipey:“Raise your frimpin’ prices. Supply and demand is your friend!”

And now I have not the slightest idea what to do about it. Or anything else in Eigrach.

Opinions: Phaniet [17 Thory 4385; Eigrach, Srineia]

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Everyone has an opinion about what I should do next. Except me. I don’t have much of a clue.

Phaniet

Phaniet thinks we should figure out what to do about Eigrach’s perfidy, but I wanted to discuss what I should do about my affair with Thenel first.

Phaniet:“You are ashamed of conducting a clandestine liaison with him.”

Me:“No, not really.”

Phaniet:“That wasn’t a question. You are ashamed of it. I can smell it on you. I saw you wince every time Rehit said that you had been utterly honorable, when of course you have done nothing of the sort, and right in his bed at that.” (Not true! No closer to that than Thenel’s shop’s parlor.) “And, I would say, properly so. Speaking as your loyal supporter, it is one of the most disreputable, if not downright immoral, things that I have seen you do since I have known you.”

Me:“That’s not what you said when I started.”

Phaniet:“It’s what I said when I learned that Thenel was engaged.”

Me:“Besides, they’re not married yet. Thenel’s not breaking his marriage vows; he doesn’t have any.”

Phaniet:“I am not technically married to Este. Nonetheless it stings to walk into a parlor and discover Inconnnu on Este’s lap, nibbling on his ear.”

Me:“Well, that’s probably Inconnu’s fault. He crawls all over everybody who doesn’t beat him off with a glaive-guisarme, except for the other Orren and me.”

Phaniet:“There is actually no fault involved. Este knows perfectly well what he can do with Inconnu, and he has never violated our rules. The point is that cheating is cheating, whether the couple is married or not. Thenel is breaking his relationship’s rules — in spirit, even if you found some ridiculous excuse to keep to the letter — and you’re helping him.”

Me:“I know that perfectly well. I’m a hundred years older than you, and I’ve seen a hundred variations on that story.”

Phaniet:“Well, O Great All-Knowing Lizard, how many of them ended well?”

Me:“Um … maybe a dozen?”

Phaniet:“And how many of those involved doom magnets like you?”

Me:“…”

Phaniet:“Anyhow. Any relationship which you can’t mention to your partner’s best friend is a bad relationship. Any relationship which could easily destroy your partner’s social circumstances is a bad relationship. And really, really, any relationship which requires you to be a whore is a bad relationship. “

Me:“…”

Phaniet:“So you-and-Thenel is…”

Me:“A bad relationship”

Phaniet:“And what should you do about it?”

Me:“…”

Phaniet:“Do you think it’s a good idea or a bad idea to stay in a bad relationship?”

Me:“…”

Phaniet:“Well?”

Me:“… um …”

Phaniet:“OK, I’m going to go refranitize the osculary. You stay here and try to figure that puzzle out, you Great All-Knowing Lizard.”

Me: [stomps off to talk to Kantele.]

The Actual Conversation [17 Thory 4385; Eigrach, Srineia]

Wednesday, January 6th, 2010

The next bit of conversation went roughly thus:

Rehit and Thenel: We hereby tell you of the plans of the mayor of Eigrach!

Me: I am somewhat confused thereby! In no small part because I was expecting a rather different conversation!

Thenel:It would be far better if no other conversation occurred!

Me:I need a Cani!

So we got Phaniet, who, despite considerable sorcerous skill, understands social matters as well.

Phaniet:“I understand you are about to reveal your city’s Wicked Plans to us?”

Rehit:“Well, just the ones concerning you.”

Phaniet:“Is this going to explain what happened to poor Totalie, and Glynubla House?”

Thenel:“Yes, exactly so.”

Me:“This is why I need a Cani here.”

Phaniet said nothing, but wagged her tail hard enough to knock over the pool table.

Rehit:“Well. To begin with, we need a wizard in Eigrach. Aiziju isn’t bad exactly, but she’s not that impressive really. Cowardly, for one, and badly-connected, and … she’s here because she couldn’t get a good position closer up to Ketheria at the time.”

Thenel:“And she doesn’t do enchantments.”

Rehit:“So when we heard that Sythyry had gotten exiled from Vheshrame…”

Me:“Wait, I got exiled from Vheshrame?”

Rehit:“That’s what we thought. Why else would a known and admitted pervert pack up zir entire household and go off to the edge of the civilized world for a couple years?”

Me:“Ah. Sadness at losing too many friends, and an overwhelming boredom with being stuck in the same city for well more than a century, could not be the reason. I fear that I overpaid my Smiths’ Guild dues if I’m not going back though.”

Rehit:“Well, we might have been wrong, but that’s what we thought. That you were looking for a new place to settle.”

Me:“I am not, and if I were, I’d be seeking in places where transaffection did not carry such a heavy social penalty.”

Thenel:“We thought you were going as far as possible from some enemy, perhaps.”

Me:“Rather the opposite. Jyondre spoke quite fondly of his homeland. I am easily swayed by attractive Orren from time to time, as it happens.”

Rehit: [flattening his tail in embarrassment] “You needn’t speak of such things if you don’t want to.”

Phaniet:“Zie is boasting.”

Rehit:“… I … am not used to such boasts. Jyondre and Yerenthax perplex me; I do not quite know how to treat them.”

Phaniet:“Like any other married couple.”

Rehit: [despairingly] “But of what species?”

Phaniet:“Orren and Gormoror!”

Rehit sighed, and rubbed his eyes.

Thenel:“In any case, the administration determined that they would attempt to induce you to settle here.”

[This refers to these events, and those of several following entries. -bb]

Rehit:“So, the fight at the bridge of frozen kidneys was part of the plan.”

Phaniet:“Please explain why putting three arrows and one sword through Sythyry would induce zir to stay?”

Rehit:“It let us slip you a nice mansion that we just happened to have ready and waiting, and Vae a nice hunting lodge.”

Phaniet:“… And I thought I was just doing a good job shaking them down.”

Rehit:“Not really. Bwipin complained that he had to start out offering ‘concrete apologies’ because you didn’t ask. He was expecting to give you the whole of Totalie’s former estate, but you caved in much sooner than he was expecting. They’re going to contrive some other occasion to give them to you.”

Phaniet:“Insidious of them.”

Rehit:“They didn’t much like Totalie anyways. It was a convenient way to get rid of a political problem. So, when we heard you were coming, Totalie’s lands got confiscated, with the intent of hooking you. If you are a count of Eigrach, presumably you will stay in Eigrach. Or at least exert yourself on its behalf now and then: both to uphold your reputation as a noble, and to protect your interests.”

Phaniet:“Trying to tie a big enough estate around zir neck to hold zir down.

Rehit:“And provide Totalie as your obedient lover.”

Thenel:“Unfortunately — or fortunately! — he was not quite to your taste.”

Me:“He half-strangled me!”

Thenel:“Precisely. I imagine your tastes would be more precise and civilized?” Tactics: taking a risk to flirt with me, I think?

Phaniet:“No, they’re cruder and more disreputable than that, but zie doesn’t like being strangled. I wouldn’t talk about them if I were you.” Tactics: “Shut up, Thenel!”

Thenel:“The other thing to say is, the official decree is that the repairs on your skyboat proceed very slowly.”

Me:“I had noticed the sluggishness. I thought that it was just the shipwrights being unprepared, or incompetent.”

Thenel:“Neither one. Well, we were not prepared, but we are now fully prepared. We are being deliberately slow. The goal being, to keep you here until you are thoroughly entangled — until you have been somehow given Totalie’s estate, found a native lover or six, and otherwise have plentiful reasons for staying indefinitely.”

Me:“And has the city allocated an officially-determined lover for me?”

Thenel:“Yes, in fact: Totalie was to place himself at your service in every way imaginable. I gather that didn’t work. If the city has made alternate official arrangements, I haven’t heard about it.”

(Translation: Thenel is my lover on his own, not out of a sense of civic duty. If he’s telling the truth of course.)

Me:“You do realize that stabbing me and giving me poor service doesn’t make me want to stay around?”

Rehit:“This point was raised early on, and deemed irrelevant. You do not need a good opinion of the Shipwrights’ Guild, or of me, in order to stay here. You merely need to be trapped by the trappings of wealth and power.”

Me:“Well, I have a good opinion of you now.”

Rehit:“And I of you. You have behaved entirely honorably in this situation — entirely blamelessly! I only wish my city had done the same.”

I glanced at Thenel, who is proof to me that Rehit’s opinion of me is based on his ignorance. Thenel smiled blandly back at me. I suppose Thenel is used to keeping secrets from his fiancé. I suppose I’ll have to get used to it, too.

After we saw Rehit and Thenel off the skyboat (a matter of nearly an hour’s conviviality and avoidance of all sensitive topics), I cornered Phaniet and Kantele by the usual means. “So, should you start by advising me on what to do about Eigrach’s insidious ways? Or perhaps on whether I should break up with Thenel?”

Tactics and The Conversation [17 Thory 4385; Eigrach, Srineia]

Monday, January 4th, 2010

Rehit:“Pardon me, Sythyry. A matter of some small personal concern of mine and of yours has arisen. May I tie a bit of conversation to your tail, with privacy?”

Me:“Oh, no!”

Rehit:“I’m afraid I must insist. Might you have a private room? Preferably one that cannot be scried, for that matter?”

Me:“Nothing on Strayway can be scried.” Not a wise move, tactically, but I was in a bit of a panic. As is traditional when the fiancé of one’s clandestine lover insists on a private conversation about a matter of some small personal concern.

Rehit:“I remember some discussion about that point in town. Some attempts have been made, after all, and came up with the most alarming results.”

Me:“The reality is far less alarming than the appearances. Or, rather, sometimes it is rather more alarming, when the nendrai or I are about, but that is a matter of sorcerous power, not sexual prowess.” This was entirely tactical: hinting to Rehit that, although I might have offended his honor, I am a foe comparable to a nendrai in combat (the comparison would be ‘inferior’, actually) and not to be trifled with (probably true anyhow).

Rehit:“Very well … could we go somewhere private, please?”

So we went somewhere private. I noted to Phaniet that she should keep Vae occupied on the other side of the ship. That’s tactics for: “I’m expecting to more or less survive this encounter. If Vae were around she’d probably fight on my side, which would be a big disaster. I really don’t want to train her to fight primes.”

Phaniet nodded grimly, and wagged her tail. “I’ll check with Grinwipey to see if he’s done with that embroidery you wanted. And didn’t you swap Rheng and Yerenthax’s watches?” Which I guessed meant she’d have our three best fighters ready for me in case I needed them.

“I did, yes,” I said. (By which I meant, “Yes, please have them ready”, and I hoped that Phaniet got the point, but she was Cani so of course she did.) “I’ll be in the seventh parlor. See that I’m not disturbed.” (By which I meant, “I’ll be in the seventh parlor. Be ready to rush in if there’s any sound of a fight.”)

The Duel in the Seventh Parlor

I had picked the seventh parlor for straightforward tactical reasons. The main one is that it’s quite crowded: we moved a pile of extraneous furniture into it a few weeks ago, chairs and tables and a heavy pool table, and never got around to moving it out. So a nimble small flying person has many obstacles behind which zie may hide from an upset fiancé.

Rehit and Thenel came in behind me. Rehit closed the door tight, but didn’t lock it, because (minor tactical reason for choosing that room) it has no lock. The two Rassimel sat on the least obstructed couch. Rehit’s magic sword (which I had made for him) didn’t fit very well, so he set it, sheathed, across his lap. A bit quicker to draw, presumably.

I perched on top of the mantlepiece, some eight feet away, with a table between us. Probably Rehit could leap onto the table and stab me, but it might slow him down, and anyhow I’d be moving faster if I jumped off the mantlepiece than anywhere else in the room.

Rehit:“As I’m sure you’re aware, Thenel and I are engaged to be married.” He sounded very nervous and fidgeted with the pommel of his sword, as one who is planning to assault a wizard on his home territory might well be. Thenel squeezed Rehit’s knee: a signal? Of what?

Me:“Yes, I did know.” I decided I’d start off with Dancing in the Garden of Statues, and try to disarm him.

Rehit:“So we’ve both gotten some chance to know you and your crew first-hand.” First-hand, first-mouth, first-never-mind-what. Trying to be sarcastic and intimidating, I presumed, though he really doesn’t have the voice for it.

Me:“Yes, indeed, as when you come on a picnic with us.”

Rehit:“And I can’t honestly say that I approve of how everything is done on this ship.” Tactics: he is trying to irritate me, to provoke me into doing something unwise. He is a fool! Little does he know that I usually do something unwise without the need for provocation!

Me:“Nor can I. Discipline among my crew ranges from lax to entirely absent.” Tactics: I was trying to counter-rattle him, or at least perplex him slightly. Well, actually I was watching his hands to see if he was about to draw that sword.

Rehit:“My countrymen might call me a traitor for this, but I can’t stand it.” Was he trying to make me feel guilty for my affair with his fiancé instead of attacking me, or to justify his attack on me in advance?

Me:“… Yes? …” Tactics: if it’s merely a scolding, best not to attack preemptively. I can endure a scolding, and not spend cley or blood on it. If he’s trying to justify the attack, perhaps I would be better off guessing when it will come, and getting at least a defensive spell — or teleport — off beforehand?

Rehit:“Still, curse it, you’ve behaved entirely decently towards me and towards Eigrach as a whole.” Tactics: Another attempt to get me off balance? Or sarcasm?

Me:“I suppose so.” Tactics: I wasn’t sure where his verbal attack was going, so I said nothing meaningful. I was mostly wondering what Thenel was going to do. They looked very much together, so I guessed I’d be given some useful Herbador-based attack spell: pepper in my eyes, or being encased in wood. I should start with a good protection-from-plants sort of defense spell, I guess.

Rehit:“And I don’t one bit approve of anyone behaving dishonorably.” Tactics: Getting towards the guilt attack, finally, after the roundabout verbiage.

Me:“Of course not.” Tactics: Or would that be too obvious? I know I had stared at Thenel’s magerium not that long ago, but I couldn’t, in the panic of the moment, remember what he was good at. Aside from Herbador, which was his main stock in trade. Maybe I should just teleport out and bring in the warriors.

Rehit:“Not even if it is my mayor and my city, curse it!” Tactics: More roundabout verbiage.

Me:“Fair enough.” Tactics: Or should I bring in the warriors? Wipey and Rheng and Yerenthax weren’t responsible for my adultery: I was. Having them get injured protecting me from my own misdeeds was cowardly and and ignoble.

Rehit:“So I wanted to tell you what I know about the Mayor’s plans. It’s not everything, but I think you should hear of it.” Tactics: Distraction or something.

Me:“Very well.” Tactics: No, I would get help from the warriors if I am in serious trouble, but I would try to handle it on my own up to that point. In all truth, I did wrong Rehit, and if he’d be satisfied with stabbing me a few times and letting me go, it might save his marriage and perhaps even my local reputation. I can spare the blood, I can stand the pain. I deserve it, even.

Rehit:“They don’t think well of your morals either. But they’ve a saying: they’ll stuff ginger up their noses to block the stink of your deeds, and smile at you.” Tactics: Trying to enrage me.

Me:“We generally wash up after the stinkier sorts of body-play, same as the cisaffectionate.” Tactics: Now, “Handle it on my own” doesn’t mean “Handle it without help”. Probably start off with an elemental or two. The seven-winged burning thing is my usual choice, but not this time: they are still wearing the best fire protections around, to deal with the Zonsmi Oak. Also the seven-winged burning thing might burn up a lot of Strayway.

Rehit:“Well, I wouldn’t want to know about that, with all due respect. What I mean is, they’ve decided to encourage you to ask for asylum, and grant it. You’re too valuable a wizard to let slip through our fingers, and we can stuff ginger-root up our noses and endure your, well, transaffection.” Tactics: He’s really not very good at the enraging insults.

Me:“I suppose we should be grateful for your tolerance.” Tactics: Not a wood elemental either, that’s playing into Thenel’s strengths. Maybe an ice fairy?

Rehit:“I’m sorry, I’m really not trying to offend you, that’s just what the Mayor said.” Tactics: no clue.

Me:“The mayor asked you to attack me?” Tactics: Trying to rattle him. Maybe to enrage him, to suggest that he’s too insipid to be jealous for his own sake, enough of a lapdog to attack on the mayor’s command.

Rehit:“Yes, exactly. I was going to come to that.” Tactics: He is that insipid. Maybe he almost deserves the adultery. No, not really, but I can see where power-loving Thenel might find him not to his taste quite.

Me:“Well, go about it then, don’t be all day chattering and beating about the bush.” Tactics: I’m tired of thinking about tactics. It’s hopeless anyhow, no plan ever works.

Rehit:“I beg your pardon…? Oh, no, it’s nothing of the sort at all! He doesn’t even know I’m here … and, if you don’t mind, I’d rather keep it that way.”

Me:“Well, feel free to do it for your own motivations, then.”

Rehit:“I’ve already apologized for doing it, but I’ll apologize more if you want. It is sincere. And this whole conversation is somewhat of a concrete apology for it. We quite wronged you that day I stabbed you, and I think you should know all I do about it.”

Me:“Wait, what?”

Invitation to The Conversation [17 Thory 4385; Eigrach, Srineia]

Monday, December 28th, 2009

[OOC: Sorry for the surprise hiatus. I got surprisingly hiatized. I hope I'm back to ... not quite normal, but close enough so I can see it from here. -bb]

Back on the Strayway, Vae animated Mr. Snootloose and sent him to tell Quendry all about the Zonsmi Oak. Grinwipey and Yerenthax trotted off for a drinking contest. Jyondre went for a swim, Phaniet went for something that might or might not have involved water, Este, brandy, or loose ends of something in the laboratory.

Rehit excused himself to visit the privy, which was a more involved journey than it ought to have been, and required asking questions of the furniture. This was not quite his first time on Strayway, but it was his first time on this floor, unaccompanied.

I blinked at my secret lover, or, according to our current strategy, my primary client. Thenel blinked back at me, flickered his eyes to the corridor where his fiance had gone, back to me.

Thenel:“Ten lozens is not so hard to come by, in fact.” This is relevant because of our ethically dubious arrangement. Thenel is allowed to hire prostitutes to indulge certain despicable amatory tastes — needs, even — that Rehit is unwilling or unable to perform himself. (I must say, Rehit is being a rather generous fiance there; many would not condone such things at all.) Thenel and I have stretched the definition of this to include transaffection, which Rehit is clearly unable to provide himself and Thenel clearly needs just as much. So, I am moonlighting as a non-guild prostitute, and charging Thenel ten lozens a toss. Which is rather cheap, but, as I said, I am non-guild; also non-expert, and perhaps a bit tawdry.

Me:“I’m glad to hear that it poses no great hardship for you. I suppose that other arrangements could be made if it did prove troublesome.”

Thenel:“The main trouble involved is that Bluelark is a bit scarce. Ordinarily those who hire their services for that sort of price are easy to hire; they practically throw themselves on you.” (Bluelark, you must remember, is my name when I am in Orren shape.)

Me:“I imagine that, if Bluelark were here, she would practically throw herself on you. And be rather embarrassed when your husband came back.”

Thenel:“My fiance, not yet my husband. He shall take at least six minutes, perhaps nine; I know him well. And who knows how long that six or nine minutes could be?”

Me:“In the arms of a skilled lover, an hour can seem like a minute. In the arms of Bluelark, perhaps the reverse is true? While I have often slept with her, I have never once spent a minute in her arms.”

Thenel:“I have endured embraces that seemed endless, embraces best ended by a knee to the crotch of the embracer. Yet Bluelark was not that sort. I quite enjoyed them, feeling pinioned or cradled by massive spells.”

Me:“You do get your ten lozens’ worth, don’t you?”

Thenel:“I do indeed. Still, signs indicate that Bluelark was physically exalted as well, unless I am sorely mistaken.”

Me:“She was. Or so I am informed by reliable sources.”

Thenel:“Such as Bluelark herself?”

Me:“For one instance.”

Boots thumped on the parquet floor of the corridor, approaching us.

Thenel:“I’m quite sorry about the slow pace of the rebuilding work on your skyboat. I understand that you, as I, appreciate perfection in your surroundings. It must be rather upsetting to be forced to dwell in a skyboat which still bears broken towers and walls from that sky-pirate’s attack.”

Me:“What? Oh, yes, indeed it does.” I am not quite so used to cheating; the sudden change of conversational topic perplexed me for a moment.

Rehit came around the corner, boots clomping, magic sword gleaming at his hip, and took Thenel’s hand possessively. He looked rather grim.

Rehit:“Pardon me, Sythyry. A matter of some small personal concern of mine and of yours has arisen. May I tie a bit of conversation to your tail, with privacy?”

Me:“Oh, no!”

The Zonsmi Oak[17 Thory 4385; Eigrach, Srineia]

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Grinwipey:“One day Flokin ‘n Tenmen were churfing their scruffles with a pratch, and along came Lenhirrik singing the play-day roundelay, and next thing you know everything’s all over the elmies, and out pops that oak thing.”

Thenel:“I’m quite sorry, but I didn’t quite follow that. I don’t speak Ketherian very well.”

Jyondre:“That’s OK, neither does Grinwipey.”

Grinwipey:“I know every word you do, and I can baroque up a twining paradiddle with nothin’ more than m’linguistic competence ‘n Mr. Snootloose there!”

Yerenthax:“If you are threatening my fiance, I shall warn you, I will defend him most severely!”

Grinwipey:“Who’s threatening who, now? I didn’t say a fighty word — not a single fighty word!”

Yerenthax:“That is true…”

Me:“No, it’s not true. ‘Paradiddle’ is a drumming phrase, and usually when you talk about drumming, it’s with maces on skulls.”

Grinwipey:“Fair wholty, boss. Fair wholty all here and there with the bear in its hair.”

Me:“… and I think that’s my full ‘understand Wipey’ budget for the day.”

Grinwipey:“Y’ain’t here t’listen to m’talkyburps, Boss Feathers. Sightseeing’s the name of the game, if the game ain’t blame’n’shame.”

So we stopped listening to him, and looked at the Zonsmi Oak. We were still a quarter-mile off, and behind a heavy invisible fireproofed wooden wall, and it still looked rather intimidating. It’s a tall forky fiery shape, its seven upper limbs heavy with blazing acorns, its eleven or twelve lower limbs writhing slowly against the scorched soil. I looked away and closed my eyes, and the afterimage of the Oak glared at me from behind my eyelids, and made threatening gestures.

Phaniet:“And that’s what you’re fighting over? I would think you’d be fighting to not have to deal with it — or fighting it, more likely.”

Rehit:“We’re more fighting over the land. Especially the land where the Zonsmi Oak once stood.”

Me:“Why that, especially?”

Grinwipey:“’cause it was Tenmen waddling around with his wimple around his ankles, y’biffy whiffy smith.”

Thenel:“Precisely. The Zonsmi Oak melts the soil beneath it to stone. Thousands and thousands of pounds of stone.”

Rehit:“Imagine what we could do with that much stone!”

Thenel:“Though it is not the most beautiful stone. It is glossy, but it is an uncertain black-brown color.”

Rehit:“Still, a city gate armored with stone, or a fortress wearing stone armor!”

Thenel:“Such as Helleshario already enjoys.”

Grinwipey:“Figures you yanciboos weren’t off narshing your narpers ‘n slapping down flap for that yappy zap over just a wee tippy slip of Ain’t-The-Best Forest ‘n the civic honor.” (In retrospect, I believe that “civic honor” was the most obscene bit of that, in Wipey’s mind.)

Me:“Shall we approach more closely?”

Rehit:“Not too close. It can lash about quite dangerously with those branches. A few hundred feet is generally safe.”

Me:“Why all the precautions, the flying barrel and such?”

Rehit:“Sometimes it leaps.”

Phaniet:“Frantic oak, that.”

So we flew closer. Not that much closer: I swear it was no closer than a thousand feet.

Vae, who had been quietly studying the Oak, squeaked in alarm and did something ridiculous with Locador and Pyrador and things. The oak reared up — there is no better word for it — and flung a cluster of blazing acorns at us. Vae’s spell sent the acorns whirling in blazing wheels off the edge of the branch.

Vae:“The much further should we go now. Not so much does the oak like my presence so close!”

We watched the acorns whirl, easily visible from thirty miles off. The much further we went, and quickly, too.

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